Will you love me only when...

2009 has been quite possibly the most challenging year of my life. Not simply because a lot of things have happened to me personally, but especially because lots of things have happened to people I love and care about that have made me struggle with every aspect of my life, like who I am when things are tough and WHOSE I am when things don't make sense to me.

I have begged, I have pleaded, I have been angry, I have even been a bit defiant, I have been remorseful, I have asked for forgiveness, I have promised to trust even when I don't understand and I find myself right back where I started, safe in my Father's arms. During my prayers, or ramblings on to God I have told Him over and over how I just don't understand all that is going on. It does not make sense to me. I see no point in it. It is not fair. Would a loving God really allow such things to happen?

And here has been my answer each and every time: "Julie, will you love me only when life is good? Only when life makes sense to YOU? Do you not trust ME? Have I ever left you alone without comfort before?

And so here is what I have taken away from all that I still do not understand. God is in control. He still does miracles, the biggest of all His Son and the promise that His arms are ALWAYS wide open for ANYONE to come to HIM. God is able to be trusted EVEN when it doesn't make sense.

So that is where you will find me. Trusting, Believing, pushing on with full faith that God is God no matter what and I fully intend to serve Him even when things are not as I want them to be.

I heard a long time ago that in a marriage the most important thing is not "love", it is trust and being committed to the commitment. In lots of ways I feel like that is true in our walk with God. It is not how we "feel" about God's job performance, but being committed to our commitment to Him, He is always committed to us, ALWAYS.

Hank Delvin update:
It has been a roller coaster of events. Two steps forward one step back, but Hank is determined as ever to get better and that will go a long toward his recovery. He is amazing the doctors with his strength, with his resistance/tolerance to pain. They have given him a "trapeze" and he has been steadily working with it to keep his upper body strength despite broken ribs and all kinds of soreness. I talked with his daughter, Amy this morning at the Franklin Market and she said he should be able to have the hip surgery in the next 2 weeks, which sounds great considering the last report was two months! The Delvin kids are doing a fine job of holding the farm together and making sure things are cared for, that could not make Hank more proud I keep assuring them.
For those of you who would like to help in some way, the family can use gift cards to local resturants as they are simply working like crazy people and spending time with their dad in Nashville as much as possible, with no time to cook. They can also use snacks, and easy to prepare meals. BUT most importantly don't let up praying for all of them. Hank needs our prayers physically and we need to continue to pray for his good attitude. His wife Cindy has not left his side, prayers for rest and peace would go a long way for her. Strength and wisdom for the kids and health for the whole family. Thank you so much for your prayers and concern.

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